Perpetual Thinking.

I've been thinking about the "How's" in life these past few weeks and it does not feel good people, wondering how does this work, how does that work, how will the road ahead work out for me?, how come its me. It used to be the "Why's" but lately the answers to my "Why's" has just been, "because it is, just accept it" or my mind I know the logical "why" answers.

Getting ready to turn 18 has not been fun at all. I've been through another road bump in my life thanks to Ms. Rescigno and my ability to not think thoroughly. Being sick on the half week before your birthday has been a real drag. Having your shoulder throw-out on you in the middle of a serve has been a real drag. Knowing your conscious is not letting go of the moments of forlorned past of 17 years has been a real drag. Knowing that you like someone who you probably know doesn't feel the same and don't want to experience that false butterfly feeling in your heart and not your stomach IS A REAL DRAG. I hate it all.

2/20
My dad asks me: "What do you want for your birthday?" For the for-sure'd time, I really don't know what I want. Nothing materialistic as this point in my, I mean my dad did bring up of "we should buy a car", which made me some-what ecstatic, not for the car, but what it represented. The fact that if I was to have a self-transportation, I can be free to roam the likes of Los Angeles and beyond. The feeling of not being tied down to my home anymore. I love that feeling. Anyways, today we also went out for dinner then visited my uncle and grandma. It was nice to see them smile :)


2/21
happy birthday to me.