Why am I so goddamn stupid?!

Look at me preaching out to tumblr when I can't even live by my own beliefs. I have this girl, who rejected me once and here I am scared to death by thinking about asking her again... I just don't know what to do. I need help, thats what. Some of you may say "dude, its been way too long", and you're right. Its been 2 years now. I liked her on november of 2009 and I never stopped since. Yeah, yeah I might turn out to be like Nguyen, but I'm willing to take that chance since I know myself and my limits.
"Grow some balls! or You're such a girl!", yeah i know jackie, I'm working on that too, haha.
I'm just too afraid.
I'm just too afraid to tell her I love her
too afraid that those 2 letters will touch and shatter me like a rock through glass
too afraid that I will never find another person like her in my life
to tell her that even in times when I'm happy, and when I think of her, I calm down as if I got shot, like in the movies. Standing there, staying very still, contemplating on whether or not she would ever like me, even a little. I don't toss around the word "Love" that often nor do I ever get a chance to say it that often, but when I think I feel it, I know that as least something of that caliber is there.

There are thousands of thoughts running through my head right now as I'm typing this, here are a few:
1. Would girls go "awww" to this? because this is straight up sad. A boy just trying to figure things is turned into rubble by a mere mortal girl
2.I have school work due this week, midterms and finals are coming up, will I pass? How about summer school? summer plans?
3.I think jackie would come kick down my door, take a chair and bash it against my head and yell at me as do many other people I think I know.
4.What the fuck am I doing right now? should I take this down? should I not post this? should I leave it up for a day and then take it down? should I just throw this out there and hope for the best?

Persistence, is it really a good trait to have? Ugh. I'm just about vented out.
Goodnight.

Sooooo

Kassandra's being a little b**** right now because I said a joke about her major choice "one too many time" even though everyone in our group bags on her on everything every now and then. Such spoiled little brat... Good thing I didn't even think about going out with her or else her stiff personality would make me more unhappy then I already am... ugh! I just want to yell at her for the sake of me not bottling up all this discomfort just because a princess didn't have it her way for once. She says she has no friends once she moved to high school, but had a lot of friends in middle school... I don't get it. Did friends from middle school vanish all of a sudden? do you not keep contact with them anymore? Jeez. Be independent with your friend making skills or something fuck! You have the potential to be a really good friend, but noooo, just because a person does something that you don't agree with doesn't mean they're not a person that isn't friendable by your books.

See this is why I'm not a person who writes things down other than a list because THIS IS SHIT.