is the fact that, for my heart to forget her, I have to completely cut off all contacts with her. Deleting her off my facebook, phone (this in itself is hard because she has my phone # and she texts me occasionally), AIM (same with the phone), tell people not to mention her for a while, and put away everything that reminds me of her (ex. the prom pic taped to the backside of my senior year verdugo id) ... thats alot of fucken work!
the reason I'm thinking about this at a time like this? I don't know, I looked at my AIM buddy list and she was there.
Yeah... I can't force myself, but I could slowly push it away. Then theres always the long gruesome way of just letting it walk out of me.
I don't fucken know anymore. I might, just go for it, again.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
What was I thinking?
It was a Friday night, my friends are all off partying and doing their own thing except for me. I got invited to a spam masubi making party, but it a mere hangout of a group of friends that I got dragged into because I just happen to know her. I have to say, it was the most awkward situation in my life: 2 couples doing their own little things making spam masubi and then there was me and her. I dislike her a little more every time she does or says something. "Why?" you ask, because she's pretty much a spoiled kid that only thinks about herself and only thinks about others first when she knows she's getting something out of it. I just wanted to call her out, but noooo, her "innocence" holds me back.
I'm going to go off in a tangents here: Girls. From my experience, they only call you, text you, come up to you, or come in any contact with you only to want/need something. Only occasionally do they do a nice thing for you just because it was a sincere jester of niceness. Its either me or the guys that she hung out with in the past, but every time... every freaken time, girls that come to me just want stuff from me. To help them out with this, to help them out with that, to do them a favor, to borrow something... I'm just over exaggerating this a bit, but you get my point. She set the bar for girls that I looked for and no one has came close to her yet. Beautiful in looks, brains, and heart. Only if she felt the same... I don't want to be like him, but its really hard since there's no one like our kind left. Trying to be that knight in shining armor for a girl that just wants mr. tall dark and handsome with a pocket full of cash that tries to buy her happiness. I mean, don't get me wrong, I met a few, but they ended up the types I hate. End Rant.
Anyways, so it was pouring rain and the hang out I said in the first paragraph was going like I had too much Mexican food the night before. I walked backed because everyone wanted me to go get the card game "Bang!", so I did. As I was walking out of my hall I saw a girl drenched and walking by, so I went up to her and said hey... bad move. She freaked out screaming. *sigh* I guess chivalry is dead after all. I still managed to get my umbrella over her head and walked her safely to her hall without making anymore of a fool of myself before I head back over the where the "party" was. I felt pretty good though, I'm not going to lie. Trying to be a gentlemen does have it's feel good moments. So back to the hangout... It was the most saddest thing I've seen since my last birthday. I just wanted to get the eff' out of there... I ended up leaving at 1am...
I saw tangled today. It made me want to punch myself for a certain reason.
I'm going to go off in a tangents here: Girls. From my experience, they only call you, text you, come up to you, or come in any contact with you only to want/need something. Only occasionally do they do a nice thing for you just because it was a sincere jester of niceness. Its either me or the guys that she hung out with in the past, but every time... every freaken time, girls that come to me just want stuff from me. To help them out with this, to help them out with that, to do them a favor, to borrow something... I'm just over exaggerating this a bit, but you get my point. She set the bar for girls that I looked for and no one has came close to her yet. Beautiful in looks, brains, and heart. Only if she felt the same... I don't want to be like him, but its really hard since there's no one like our kind left. Trying to be that knight in shining armor for a girl that just wants mr. tall dark and handsome with a pocket full of cash that tries to buy her happiness. I mean, don't get me wrong, I met a few, but they ended up the types I hate. End Rant.
Anyways, so it was pouring rain and the hang out I said in the first paragraph was going like I had too much Mexican food the night before. I walked backed because everyone wanted me to go get the card game "Bang!", so I did. As I was walking out of my hall I saw a girl drenched and walking by, so I went up to her and said hey... bad move. She freaked out screaming. *sigh* I guess chivalry is dead after all. I still managed to get my umbrella over her head and walked her safely to her hall without making anymore of a fool of myself before I head back over the where the "party" was. I felt pretty good though, I'm not going to lie. Trying to be a gentlemen does have it's feel good moments. So back to the hangout... It was the most saddest thing I've seen since my last birthday. I just wanted to get the eff' out of there... I ended up leaving at 1am...
I saw tangled today. It made me want to punch myself for a certain reason.
@Jaaackie
Hi! (:
I hope you're excited about the Sun God Festival and all the joys that come with being a Triton. I hope that this summer we can hang out with not a fuck given to anybody except ourselves. I hope that all the things you post here is enjoyed and not judged upon even though you might think otherwise. I hope that you are getting what I'm trying to say, because to me, I think I'm just typing like an idiot. I hope you're not going to be anywhere near upset that I probably can't go to SGF, but like you said in your text, "Summer." and just to let you know, that made me smile a bit.
I hope you're excited about the Sun God Festival and all the joys that come with being a Triton. I hope that this summer we can hang out with not a fuck given to anybody except ourselves. I hope that all the things you post here is enjoyed and not judged upon even though you might think otherwise. I hope that you are getting what I'm trying to say, because to me, I think I'm just typing like an idiot. I hope you're not going to be anywhere near upset that I probably can't go to SGF, but like you said in your text, "Summer." and just to let you know, that made me smile a bit.
Friday, April 1, 2011
So.
My roommates are drunk, and about to get high right now. I'm the only sober one, and I'm kind of scared that all hell would break lose and I can't stop 3 guys at once. They took 9 shots of vodka, and about to smoke a joint. Good grief. I need to take a shit.
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