Well, today, she told me she is now in a relationship with a guy named Harry. Trying to keep my composure for that hit was truly hard. I would rather take 3 finals in a row than to take a hit like that ever again. My mind instantly went into shock and I believed my voice shook when I replied to the "great news". I guess fate was never on my side to begin with, but I never lost hope until today. Sickening to my stomach as I think about it; really. The love of your life has just moved on like nothing happened and while we just walk around Lincoln Park as we were trying to catch up from the past 3 months. It made my body wither away with every damn step. I don't know what I did wrong, or what she did not see in my to give me a chance, but I believe this is the first time I felt what it feels like to fail in no hope of returning.
I'm in depression right now and the degree of pain my heart is taking is not worth it. I'm just glad my emotions together is a great dam. The tears I'm trying to hold back is just unbearable, but manageable.
She wanted to hangout again, and I don't know what will happen to me then. Feeling like a main character in a drama blows because you have educated guesses of what would happen next. No wonder Q like to seclude himself sometimes in his own little world that we know. It is must more relaxing. No pressures, and the serenity of just being alone feels invigorating.
Have I held on to her long enough? I probably have, but my mind just wont let it go. Every single time she gets mentioned in my life, fond memories come back and I can't help but to just take it. Like an addiction to narcotics.
I feel my hands shake internally as I writing. Whether it is out of anger, frustration, or panic. I can't do this anymore.